Sicky-Ickies

So I just realized it's been a while since I've blogged. I'm so good at this aren't I?

Anyway, EOCs. They're done. Woooo!!!! I think I'm allergic to tests. I vomited during the engineering midterm last year and I got sick during the EOCs this year. I've probably used enough tissues to kill twenty trees. And it's getting worse. I'm sweating like a pig and I fell asleep as soon as I got home and slept until five and didn't feel any better and I need to sleep again. I'm so tired.

Ugh. Drama. Guys, just get along for one more week. ONE MORE WEEK. Stop being dramatic and stop fighting with everyone. I've come two seconds away from blowing up on at least two people in person because of it and it's not going to be pretty if it happens. No one has seen me angry and it's not about to start now.

I have to go to school Monday? What the crap? I have As in all of my classes, I've earned the right to not take my finals and to not show up, so... I'm not going! :)

Okay, why are you stupid enough to pull out a phone during an end of course test? No. Just no. I've lost all respect for you. Not like you care.

So much many plans this summer! I might get to go ice skating when the rink in Nashville reopens and then the park and maybe a picnic... then maybe two jobs to get enough money for an iPhone 5s and enough to save for the Galapagos next year? :3 I gotta spend a week with my dad in Michigan and maybe another week in Chicago with my older sister... let's see how that works out if my plan for two jobs works out.

I feel like doodyballs, so I think I'll just go to bed. 'Night guys! I love you <3

The Great Depression?

Cymbalta can help! Okay... maybe, Prozac?

I'm sitting at the school at 6 in the morning so I have nothing better to do than to blog. So, as we're just ending the Roarin' Twenties and starting the Great Depression in AP US History, I owe the twenties and the Great Depression some memes.

I Apologize

I apologize for my animosity lately. I've been super stressed and anxiety has a habit of creeping up on me and hitting me in the face like a brick wall. Five more weeks left of school, right? Minus two for exams, which leaves like three normal weeks. It'll all be over soon.

I apologize for being either super happy or super sad. Not something I can really help. I'm just at this point where I'm so sad I'm just playing happy so I don't cry. I guess the people I'm trying to explain this to don't even read my blog though, do they?

I apologize for singing my favorite songs. I've recently fallen in love with One Direction (go figure) and this song Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men. And when I really get into a song I just sing it but I irritate people around me when I do. So, sorry.

I apologize for complaining. And venting, or whatever you want to call it. I'll save venting for my blog from now on, okay?

I apologize for being kind of a cruddy friend lately. I love you but I'm just so confused right now and I feel so alone. Sorry if I take it out on you.

I apologize for screwing up my cheesecake. I made a third one for Easter this weekend and I finally made it not crack in the middle. How, you ask? I know, it seems impossible, but I just baked it in a waterbath, right? Well, no matter how tightly I wrapped the bottom of my springform pan with aluminum foil, water just leaked right through the bottom and made the outer edge of my crust soggy. It tasted so good and the inner crust was crunchy and sweet and it was like the best ever but then the edge was just like poop.

I apologize for suddenly cooking and baking. For the first time in forever (totally didn't just steal that from Frozen) I feel like I'm getting something right. When I can cook something that tastes good I just feel so happy. And then I screw up an Easter cheesecake and never want to cook again.

I apologize for apologizing. I say sorry a lot. I have a lot of things to be sorry for, but half of them you don't know about.

I apologize for being so distracted.

I apologize for hating you for one second and loving you the next.

And I'm sorry I pushed you away.

But I'm more sorry that this cheesecake almost didn't turn out!!!

Moment of Silence

My favorite comedian in the whole wide world, John Pinette, has passed away five days ago at the age of fifty. He was too good at what he did and he loved his job. That's all <3

Storms

So basically, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. Storms at 12am-3am? Yeah, no. I hate storms. They scare the crap out of me. I'm like a little doggie that hides under the bed whenever there's thunder. It's not really a storm that scares me-I like to go outside and watch them. It's just like, what if a tornado rolls through and gets me family or someone I care about? And yeah, the thunder does bug me. I don't have any control in those types of situation. I guess you could say I'm afraid of any situation I don't feel like I have any control over. I think that's why I like cooking so much. I have control over the food I make. If I do the recipe right, then I make some good food. But if my recipe doesn't turn out (which hasn't happened to me yet,) then I'll probably get pretty upset and quit cooking/baking for a while. I feel like I have control over my relationships, which is probably why I don't get panicked in social situations unless I'm with total strangers. I like it when people like me but I always feel like they don't, like I need to have control over that? I dunno. I'm also scared that I won't ever find anyone. Like today, I was just like, I haven't ever kissed anyone. Ever. Isn't that kind of embarrassing for high school? I don't want to kiss someone just to kiss someone but I just wish that someone would want to kiss me.

Life and Other Things

Hey guisseeeee

I know I blogged like ten seconds ago but I found my notes that had the info for the Kenwood Karnival on it.

It's Saturday, April 12th, 9am-2pm. Sophomore SGA REALLY needs helping hands and volunteers to help set up and clean up so if you'd like to help out with that, talk to Mrs. Sims or Ms. Slagle. We're doing like an Easter egg hunt and cotton candy and inflatables and a cake walk and a vendor craft fair and carnival games and prizes and everything. It's going to be so good!!!

Stress: learn how to deal with it. Stop self harming and smoking and drinking and doing drugs and doing people and stuff. Get a hobby. Go for a walk. Play a video game. Talk to people. Vent. Scream into your pillow. Be happy! Pwwweeeeeeeaaaaaaasssssseeeeeeee, do it for me? :) You're beautiful but I'm sure you didn't need me to tell you that. All it takes is for one sad person to be happy and then there's a big huge cool chain reaction and then everybody's happy and everything is awesome and we can all be a big happy family and just hug each other for the rest of the year and love each other and be happy and yesh :3



 Pssst... boring stuff ahead!



I'm dying for you to look at me. To approach me. To talk to me. To touch me. To hug me. To really look at me. To fall in love with my eyes the way everyone else seems to. To stop feeling sorry for me. To love me. To love me because I'm cute and cuddly and... vulnerable. To protect me. To kiss me. Even if it's just on the cheek. On the lips?  To brush my cheek. To hold me. To tell me everything's going to be okay. To argue with me when I tell you it isn't. To take two seconds to genuinely look at me and discover things you didn't notice before. My insecurities. My vulnerabilities. My love. For you. For everything. Stop looking through me, it kills me every time you do it. If you're going to look through me then don't bother looking at me at all. Don't bother acknowledging me. I don't want you to talk to me because you pity me. I didn't ask for your sympathy. If anything just remember that I love you. Not what people say or think about you. Not people's expectations of you. Not what you think of you. I love you. I love everything about you. All your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. Totally didn't just take that from a song <3

Love

I LOVE EVERYBODY IF YOU WANT ME TO.

That is all <3
Goodnight!~